Selected from the week’s calls to the Sheriff’s northern substation and the Misquah first responders. Names are withheld where charges were not filed, which this week is a mercy to a trombone.

Monday. Noise complaint, Lakeside school, 8:20 a.m. — band camp. Complainant advised the sound was children learning instruments. Complainant advised he was aware, and wished the record to reflect his suffering. Record so reflects.

Tuesday. Report of a vehicle parked overnight at the city hall lot. Vehicle belonged to a resident who arrived early to be sure of a chair for the following week’s hearing. No action taken; foresight is not an offense.

Wednesday. Water discoloration reported on Third Street following scheduled hydrant flushing. Caller assured this was temporary and expected. Caller assured the department that he knew that, and had called “on principle.”

Thursday. A dispute over a bag of zucchini left on a porch, the resident maintaining it constituted “harassment.” Deputy located the responsible party two doors down, who maintained it constituted “generosity.” Both were correct. Matter resolved with the return of half the zucchini, which satisfied no one, as is traditional.

Friday. Report of a cow loose on County 8. Cow belonged to a 4-H family and was being walked, slowly, in preparation for the fair. Deputy determined the cow was winning. No citation; the cow cannot be rushed.

Saturday. A pontoon reported adrift on Loon Lake before the bass tournament weigh-in proved to be a competitor holding a fishing spot by drifting over it, legally, and refusing to say why. No action taken. The bass declined to comment.

Sunday. Lost-and-found, again, the park: one cooler lid (blue, orphaned), one pair of gold-rimmed bifocals, and one 9×13 pan, washed, no name — which its owner will recognize on sight and reclaim, as its owner always does.