Rates: 25¢ a word, three-dollar minimum, cash or a plate of bars. Drop them at the Pilot-Independent office or the slot at Tim’s. We do not edit your spelling; we edit your enthusiasm.

Help Wanted

HELP WANTED — FINAL CALL. The brewery on Second Avenue hires its opening crew this week. Pouring, serving, washing; four plates or a willingness. Applicants will be interviewed within smelling distance of the test batch, which the Holts consider both a perk and a screening method.

HELP WANTED. Fair office seeks two temporary clerks for entry week. Must write legibly, count to two dollars repeatedly, and remain calm while someone rewrites a pickle description for the third time.

For Sale

SOLD. The student trombone previously advertised has sold. The family thanks the town for its interest and asks that the new owners be granted patience, distance, and August.

FOR SALE. Folding chairs, six, surplus to a household that hosted one (1) graduation party in 2019 and has been storing the evidence since. Pre-warmed by history; the city hall may inquire, given recent demand.

FOR SALE. Canning lids, wide-mouth, three boxes, bought in optimism, offered in realism. See Marlys before the corn comes in and the market turns.

Free & Fair Warning

SECOND NOTICE — ZUCCHINI. The situation has developed as forecast. Anonymous deliveries have begun (see Blotter; see Eunice; see your own porch). The box at the Dahlquist step is open to all comers, no questions asked and none answered. Bread season follows. Govern yourselves accordingly.

FREE. Kittens, second litter, Loon Ridge Road — the orange ones went first, as advertised, and the gray ones would like a word with whoever started that.

Lost & Found

FOUND. At the Loon Lake landing after the tournament: one tackle box (green, organized to a degree suggesting grief at its loss), one landing net, and one rod that is a good one, which is how the finder knows it’s missed. Claim at Tim’s with a description of the reel, which the finder says will settle it in one question.

CLAIMED. The gold-rim bifocals lost at the town park on the Fourth have been claimed by their owner, who reports the intervening squint “educational, but concluded.” The Pilot-Independent closes the file with satisfaction.

LOST. One folding music stand, school property, believed to have left band camp in the wrong vehicle Wednesday during the melody excitement. No blame assigned; the section was celebrating. Return to Lakeside, any morning, no questions.

Wanted & Services

WANTED. Lawn chairs on loan for the August 13 band concert — the school owns forty and the town, on recent evidence, is a two-hundred-chair audience. Mark the underside with tape and a name; the casserole rules apply.

YARD WORK. Responsible sixth-graders, three, now twelve years old and adjusting their rates accordingly. We still do not split up. Ask for any Vekved.

WANTED. Prizes for the January meat raffle, which pays for the fireworks and, at the current rate, someday a light tower. Units of pork accepted year-round at the Northern Tap. Chief Sundberg’s counsel stands.